Bee-Like Feedback 

An old African proverb loosely translated says “It is the housefly that loves you that licks your sores”. Now, my basic primary school science taught me that as a fly lays eggs on garbage and feaces it picks pathogens on its legs and transfers them wherever it lands. So the image of the licking housefly is not a very pleasant one.

The proverb means, though, that it is the one that cares about you that will give you the most candid feedback. If you have experienced being given feedback, you know exactly how painful that can sometimes be.

Most organizations, for the last few months, been going through performance reviews and that comes with a barrage of feedback. My weird mind likes to bucket things in threes, so I’ll bucket my feedback experience into three insect  groups;

The Butterflies- Their feedback blinds you with color. They are afraid of the tension they might create by giving you developmental feedback so they flap their wings and butter you with praises and flattery, when in fact they are frustrated by some of the ways you work. If you are not self-aware, you are left thinking you are God’s gift to humanity. But you cannot forget that humans are imperfect, and you cannot be, all roses and perfume. I know a manager who, rather than asking you about the good stuff, asks you what they can do better. That way, you are forced to give them developmental feedback. Try that with the butterflies in your team and of course, seek feedback from more that one group of people so that you have a healthy balance to work with.

The Bullet Ants-Their feedback is as painful as a gunshot, taking long periods before you recover from it. Their feedback is aggressive, belittling and leaves you feeling like someone scalded you with water, placed salt and pepper in the wound and then sewed it back with no anesthesia. You are left wondering how to pick yourself up after that. I once had a bullet ant manager who, when you messed up, wrapped their feedback in a string of insults. Over time I learnt to peel off the layers of insults and take the feedback I needed. It’s easier said than done and it takes a lot of self-awareness and maturity to do. When you have a chance, let the bullet ant know how their feedback style makes you feel and what they can do about it. One other thing is to remember that opinion is not always fact and when feedback is laced with opinion, ask for a bit more detail and provide context for your actions.

The Bee- Their feedback has just the right amount of “honey” and “sting”. They understand the value of building a relationship based on trust which then opens the door for open conversation. They see you as a human being yet at the same time will not hold back on feedback that may be unpleasant for you to hear . They care enough to be tactful but will be direct enough to be clear about where you need to improve. Kim Scott in  a book that has revolutionized feedback, refers to this combination as “Radical Candor”.

My most recent “bee-like” feedback -and I’ll write was it was given- was , “One personal development challenge I'd love to offer is to see if you can communicate the same information with half the words. Concise communication is one of those skills that can get you so much extra mileage in terms of people reading and remembering what you have to say.”

Judging by the length of this article I am halfway there 😊, but I would like to leave you with one question: What has your feedback experience been and how have you handled it?

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